I was blind; but now I see

      My eyes are open now and as I write this the statement "God is all I got" Is becoming more and more clear to me. Why? Because, not one time he makes me feel like Im not wanted, not one time he brush me off from being a ear too listen to me venting, not one time he claims being too busy too hear whats bothering me and most importantly...He never Judge me. More than enough reasons too why I am falling more and more in love with Him. God is good to me. Always has been. I don’t suspect he will change either. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. Who is like him? No one... God has bottled up every last tear that dropped from my eyes and its Him who knows what every last tear is for. When I aches he ached. When I cried He Cried. When I  laughed He laughed. He is AWESOME! Who else can you go to and know that they is listening to every word you are saying and actually care about what u saying and how you feel?? Again, No one but Him. Not even those I once thought could....my whole persecpetive of that changed.

Its because of Him, I am the way I am and Because of this He is my everything and forever more.!! I mean really, What more do I need? Friends? I can do without...I have my two Confidants.  A boyfriends? nahh, Im good. However, it is funnyy because at one point I thought I did, at one point I thought that a boyfriend was something that was missing when all the time it was God missing..I even went far as asking myself  why was I single " am I not pretty enough??" " Is my hair not long enough??" "Do I not dress to guys liking?" " Am I not intelligent enough to be wanted?" Or is it that I am too intimidating which makes guys feel threaten by me?? Or is it that I am dominated and it makes them nervous? 

But today I took time to step into the mirror and review my own self image, While looking in the mirrow I reflected on everything that I have been faced with these passed couple of months and I realized a lot of HIS time has been spent on minor people... on making sure that everyone around me is equip with happiness and forgetting about my one need to smile. All the energy that I put  into other people lives is the energy that I am losing because I am not focusing on myself  or trying to build my relationship with Him. God is the key to any and everything and it shouldn’t be any part in my mind that would make me doubt this but Im not afriad too admit that I have. (We all have got to that point where we start too question His word and why he do things. feeling like He’s looking right pass you) but now I know He is staring me right in the eye telling me to keep my faith and continue to go forward.  He’s currently using me as his tool to help others and I guess If I find away to regain my patience he would bring to light the great things He have in store for me.

This fear I once had that was gripping me,  manifesting in my dreams causing sleepless nights? GONE!! The thoughts of me running and running and jumping off buildings and hiding behind whatever I can?? GONE!! The thoughts of each day that I am not living to my fullest potential and the feeingl  of wasting away... getting old and drying up.? GONE!! The feeling that the juice of my soul is ready to burst forth like a fountain With all the raw and untouched energy of liquid and fire  hardening and cracking aging me beyond my years? GONE!! Im taking my life back!!  The life I dreamed of is what whispers to me every morning, before the light comes and the truth stands in front of me  in the mirror.Im clearsing myself. Im done settling...and I done with the idea of lower my limitations too benefit other people. I speak the words of presence and now, of being in the moment and letting my path unfold in its time. My desire. My hunger. knowledge of who I am.  Of whom I want to be. The seeds that I nurture and encourage and water with my tears.Im taking it all back!!

This is a new chapter. Strength is my scars and they all are imprinted on the cover. <3