Letting It All GO !

Speechless......Not really

Empty...... Kinda, sorta, maybe.......UGH

I mean I though before I had this feeling of emptiness just waiting to be filled.

With what...... That I never knew

After all I was trying to fight the emptiness. Like it was my way of avoiding it or it becoming me and leading me into a deep dark whole of D E P R E S S I O N . DEPRESSED NOOOOO NOT ME... But it seemed like the more I tried to avoid the emptiness the more it seem to over take me. Yet I was desperate to find out more. The reason be hind it all. What was really causing this need of a filling. Then I figured it out ( no need to go into details). But it seemed to all make sense. What wasn't apart of me will always be apart of me beacuse of the connection I hae with it. There kinda was no point or purpose for letting it go. I'm bound to it. Plus in my eyes why wouldn't I be. The love I had just caused the bond to become STRONGER but made the emptiness STRONGER sinking me more and more to what i call DEPRESSION ....... But in my guessing I tried not to become overwhelemed with this because after all I HAVE NOTHING TO BECOME DEPRESSED ABOUT. But this never stopped me from filling this empty stop. Then in my search the findings weren't all the correct answers I wanted and in the process. I found it would never be filled by any human I knew. No one was worthy enough. No one was great enough. No one was worth the spot. No HUMAN could fill it. So I laid in bed crying, in school crying, even to church crying on the inside and on the out. Because the knowledge I have had become so overwhelming. I thought I was dying before. Now it seemed like death was at my door step knocking...... Until one day in all my crying, in all my tears, in all my longing. I had to give up. What's the purpose in crying over something that's unfixable. My tears just gave me a headache. Then I decided to hand all my tears, all my emptiness, all my EVERYTHING to Jesus. Since no man could fill in the blank spot He could. I had to say {deep sigh} Jesus take away all the tears and you fill my emptiness because where I am now I'm tired. Lord just wrap me in Your loving arms and in the times of me feeling lonely and in the time of all my tears. Lord just wipe away the tears. Which is prob what He wanted in the first place. Now I've got this whole new feeling like I'm free from some type of burden but the love I have will always stay in my ♥ because like I said earlier its apart of me I just had to let it all go and let Jesus take control.

.